On My Own

In my efforts to get on track with my eating and into shape with my body, I have picked up what most of us refer to as "work out buddies". They are great to have around if you need someone to relate too, and also if you need someone to help motivate you on a daily basis. Since I am a super genius, I have a more than one work out buddy. Why? Because when you are as lazy as I can be, you need more than one person telling you to get your sorry ass moving.

Last week I started working out with my newest work out buddy, Rosa. We work together and we decided that instead of sitting around during lunch, we'd go out and walk around near our offices. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I am not really someone who really enjoys the great outdoors, but when I have someone else with me to distract me, it really helps keep my attention away from all the bees that could murder me. Did I mention I am full of irrational thoughts?

Well, yesterday Rosa called out sick. Well, to normal people this would be no big deal. But to insane in the membrane people such as myself, I start thinking all kinds of ridiculous things. Like... what if I fall and no one is there to help me? What if I am attacked and no one cares when I don't come back to my cubicle? What if, What if, What if... the list goes on and on. So, I start to calculate my plan while I eat my delicious fiber cereal for breakfast.

First, I start telling myself I can do this. I tell myself to stop being such a friggin baby and to just bite the bullet and go out on my own. I start chit chatting about it with some friends online. They encourage me and tell me I can do it as well. I am still not convinced. I decide to ask another co-worker if they'd be interested in walking with me. They turn me down because they are not wearing the appropriate attire to go walking. DAMNIT. DAMN YOU ALL. I start to feel like every one is out to get me and this is a test.

So one o clock is fastly approaching and I start shoving my pre-workout banana in my mouth. I go and get changed and begin the mental preparation for going to the park by work by myself. Then another thought occurs, I can call my mom while I'm walking, she won't mind. So I begin on my journey and I pull out my blackberry to call dear old mom. She is busy at work and wants nothing to do with me. Well, its not that she wants nothing to do with me, but, who really wants to talk to someone who is panting during conversation?

Almost to the park, so I start to jog and as I round the turn to the park, what do I see but a giant obnoxious truck in my way. This moron had parked a truck right on the path where you are supposed to be able to walk/run. Now I suppose this person is fulfilling some kind of job duty for the park, but I do not give a shit after all the mental prep that went into this solo journey. I am now irritated. How dare they make me jog AROUND the truck.

I get to the next corner of the track, and I see what appears to be a large group of highschoolers heading my way. Of course this would happen today, I think to myself. Now I have to run my jiggly ass past a bunch of tight stomached, no cellulite filled thighs bitches. Awesome. Plus, these little brats can't even walk in a straight line? No, they just walk in a giant group stretched out across my path. Yes, now its MY path.

After I weave my way past the young ho's, I am beginning to feel defeated. I don't know why, I just had hoped to be alone at the park and not to have all this crap happen. So on the next loop around I stopped to do sit ups to break up the monotony. This helped me feel more empowered, so I got back up and started up with my walk/jog again.

When it was all said and done and I got back to my cubicle, I thought about what a weirdo I am. Who gets that nervous about doing things on their own? This kid does. But today, this kid was very proud of herself for venturing out in her big girl pants.