Conquering the Holidays

I have been really bad about blogging for my loyal readers and for that I apologize. Things have gotten SUPER busy lately. Between work and wedding planning, oh and a blizzard, I feel like my head is spinning. I am currently blogging to you from good ol' south jersey. It feels really good to be home and with some of my closest family and friends. The only trick has been attempting (and failing) to burn calories as well as attempting to stick to my food intake goals.

So far I feel like a frigging lump on a log. I haven't seen a treadmill since last Wednesday (12/16). Why you ask? Well, I had to pack my bags for my trip the following Thursday, got to new jersey Friday, went to a wedding Saturday that happened to be during a blizzard and then got trapped in Vineland (happily, I might add with two of my favorite people Brian and Jaime)... so point is, there has been zero time for me to focus on working out at all. No matter how many times people tell me I look great, I can't help but feel disgusting. I believe it is official that I am addicted to the gym. I miss it like a fat kid misses cake at fat camp. But I digress.

I have had some wonderful comments since being home. People tell me how nice I look, but can I be honest? It is still really hard to look at myself and see what they see. I still have this mental thing about who I once was and it causes this blushing moment whenever someone tells me how nice I look. Don't get me wrong, keep the compliments coming because it will only motivate me more, but half the time I just can't wrap my mind around this woman I am becoming... and I think I like her.

The most interesting part about not having seen some of these people in MONTHS is saying out loud how much weight I have lost. Are you ready? Since January I have lost a total of 33 pounds. Un-freakin-believable for me. Some are concerned it's too much, but they are the ones who I feel don't read this blog or understand that I am going about this a completely healthy way. But don't worry, I go into great detail with those folks about my program with body bugg and what I am doing and they quickly change their tunes. So if you are wondering what my end goal is here, I have set a new goal of 120 pounds by February and then I would like to maintain that for the duration of my life unless I get preggars. I met my original goal of 133 pounds last week and almost passed out cold due to shock and disbelief. Some may find me going on and on about this conceited, but for me its a bit of therapy and it helps me realize that what is happening is for real.

I just really have this overhanging fear of gaining tons of weight while I am here due to not being able to work out as much as I'd like. And you can tell me it's nonsense and to give myself a break, but for me relapsing on being over weight is truly a real fear and something that terrifies the crap out of me. So I think tomorrow I am going to steal my mother's work out tapes and see what magic I can make happen in her living room, if any. Try not to stair at the goofy girl through the windows. Hopefully next time I post, you will not hear me sobbing about all the weight I gained back over the holidays because I am truly determined to beat the odds. So Christmas eve and Christmas day gorge meals HERE COMES THE BRIDE. You will not own me, I will own you. So, neener neener neener.