Dani B, The Great Boobdini

Let's face it, some of us are more blessed than others in the between the shoulders area. I was given a figure that is not very blessed in that area at all. From a very young age, I noticed this, and always wished for more. More boobs, that is. Most people have always told me that I am beautiful just the way I am. Most people being my mother and aunts, so I think they have to say that, therefor I never counted it as truth. I have always thought that I would be much more balanced physically if I just had boobs that were bigger.

Well, in my pre-teens it just wasn't happening. All the other girls were growing chests and mine was staying pretty concave, I must say. Some people would call them mosquito bites and laugh, other friends gave them nicknames. My personal favorite nickname that my boobs were ever given was Mary Kate and Ashley. This was before the Olsen twins became famous for being anorexic and we just fondly remembered them as the twin babies from Full House. My friends thought of my boobs as baby boobs, which was really awesome for my self esteem.

Once I hit college, I maintained being skinny for a little while. I never gained what people call the "freshman 15". I gained what I call the "my boyfriend moved to California junior year 20". It's sort of the same thing, but a tad more depressing. I may be exaggerating with the 20 pounds, but I think I'm pretty on target, that throughout the last two years in college I put on about 20. Anyhow, because of these 20 pounds, something started to grow, my boobs!! It was just about the only prize I won for getting fat.

When I moved to California, I joined a gym pretty soon after because I wanted to start to lose my college weight. My left foot had other plans. I was on crutches for most of my first year in the sunny state, and put on a lot more weight because of that and all my excuses. "I can't work out because of my foot". Pretty sure I could have lifted some weights, but I digress. Point is, the boobs kept growing. I was almost able to fill a B cup. B cup!!! That was amazing to me! (I still used padded B's, so ladies with real B cup boobies would probably call me a liar had they seen me with nothing on.)

Since starting my new working out journey, my boobs have sadly begun to disappear. A wise woman once told me "first to come on, last to come off". Unfortunately for me, the boobs are one of the last things to grow for me, and the first thing to come off. It's just not fair. I know what you are thinking, that I should be happy that the fat around my chest and heart is going away, but the fact is I want bigger boobs still. I admit to being superficial and I just wish that other things would go away first like my inner thighs, upper arm fat or double chin. Can't a girl dream?

I am just hoping and praying that my boobs don't completely go back to being concave. If they do, I will deal and someday figure out a way to get the all too expensive implants. Yep, you read right, I really think I want to get them. But for now I just want to see how much weight I can lose and if it has to come off of my boobs, so be it. My most recent weight loss venture started in August, but I just wanted to point out that since January I have lost almost 20 pounds. If that's not encouraging to people who know how lazy I can be, I don't know what is. Hopefully by the end of the year, that number will be 30 and I will still have some boobs to speak of. Fingers crossed.

Bride To Be Dani B says NO to Football Sunday Traditions

The alarm went off and it was already 7:30AM. Normally, I would hit snooze and sleep for another ten or twenty minutes, but today is a very exciting day. It’s the first day of football for the NFL. A big deal to my fiancé and I. Football rings memories of beer, brats, and me stumbling to bed before 7pm because of all the yummy beer and brats. However, today was going to be different. I would not be eating any brats this football season, nor would I be drinking ANY beer.

I had prepped my fiancé, Jimmy, days in advance. “On Sunday, if we go to the bar, we are not allowed to eat there”. To my surprise, he agreed. (He knows I am trying to change my lifestyle and is being a great supporter.) Earlier in the week, I had also prepped myself for something else that was a crucial part of my bride to be plan during football season. No beer. Now, I know this may seem simple to some of you. Have a little self control, you say. But the thought of blue moon hitting my tongue, followed by the sweet flavor of the orange slice that the bartender may or may not have put in there for me is HEAVEN on earth during football season. I don’t know why, but Blue Moon always tastes better when the Eagles are on.

Jimmy and I had agreed to smoothies and egg sandwiches on wheat toast to start us off before we left for the Eagles first game. By the time I was done getting ready, breakfast was on the table for me. Jimmy made me a delicious Wheat Toast, 2% American Cheese, Scrambled Egg, Turkey Bacon and Ketchup sandwich. I already start calculating calories in my head. This meal will probably run me about 400 calories. But don’t forget the smoothie he made me too!! That had banana, protein mix, orange juice, mixed berries, yogurt and flax seed in it. I calculate about another 200 calories for this meal. Not too bad since I probably won’t eat again until 3PM or so.

We finish breakfast and we are off to the game. While in the car, I try to give Jim a little food for thought. I tell him about an article a friend sent me which talked about weight loss and alcohol. I tell him that I think besides not eating, I also think he should avoid drinking beer today because it will immediately hinder any goals he has for fitness. He tries to compromise by saying he will only drink on Sundays, and will not drink beer the rest of the week. This may seem like I accomplished something, but really I did not. He doesn’t drink during the week anyway and I’m too tired to really continue the conversation. Jimmy 1, Dani 0.

We arrive at the parking structure for the bar at 8:50 sharp and due to my exhaustion I demand that we stop off at the nearby coffee shop instead of going directly to the bar. We walk in and I am immediately hit with the smell of pastries. And oh man do they smell delicious. I start to dream about rolling around in a giant pile of pastries followed by a bath in their icing. What is wrong with me? Good thing my belly is full of smoothie and egg sandwich otherwise the 800 pound gorilla that lives in my belly may have devoured the entire coffee shop. I manage to leave the shop with a sugar free vanilla café au lait. I feel a certain level of relief when I leave the coffee shop. I had successfully gone in and gotten what I wanted without getting anything else that would ruin my daily plan. Dani 1, CoffeeShop 0.

Off to the sports bar we go. I think I could actually smell the grease from the bar as soon as I rounded the corner. I swear that my nose does this on purpose to torture me, almost to show my fat ass what I am missing. As I walk in, I take a look at the bar, the glorious, glorious bar and immediately find a seat so that my back is facing the bar. My fiancé points out that I have seated myself at a beer pong table. I don’t know why, but this made me completely uncomfortable and I needed to find a new place to sit immediately. Anything, even a table, if it encouraged the thought of drinking beer, would not be good for me today. So we end up sitting at a high top right underneath a screen where the game will be playing.

Our friends slowly arrive and fill up our table. The men order a bucket of bud light bottles. So far so good, I am not feeling very tempted as I am still enjoying my sugar free delight. Then it happens. The waitress drops off a bowl of the most devilishly good creations on earth: Tater Tots. Deep Fried, none the less. My eyes start to move around, I am looking for the person who ordered them. Why? BECAUSE SHE PUT THE TOTS DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME. Oh god, they smell so good. They look so crispy. One wouldn’t hurt, would it? Yes, yes it would. I tell myself if I can quit smoking cigarettes, I can avoid eating these tiny little pieces of heaven. But then I start staring at them. I can’t help myself, they are RIGHT there. My only move is to put my purse in between the tots and myself. Then finally, someone says “Oh Sorry, do you not want any”. Really? I think to myself. Really? Fuck you. Of course I don’t want any. Have you seen my ass? Get those things away from me. But instead of saying that, I politely say “no thank you, I am trying to watch what I eat.” Dani 1, Tots 0.

I think the men got to about their 5^th bucket of bud lights, when the quesadilla was brought to the table. I knew it was coming, I heard her order it, but still I don’t think I was quite prepared. You see, I LOVE cheese. Especially melty stringy cheese, so to see someone pulling apart their quesadilla, and the cheese just dangling from their mouth and not mine… well, it was heart breaking. The worst part about the quesadilla, I think, was that the bitch didn’t finish eating it. Whoa, I’m sorry, she’s really not a bitch, that’s just my inner fat kid getting pissed that someone wouldn’t finish a delicious meal such as a cheese quesadilla. So she leaves the bar at half time and here is this quesadilla just sitting there. Calling to me. “Eat me Dani, I know you want to, I have seen you staring at me the whole game. Sure I may be a little cold now, but I’m still just as tasty as before.” I lean over to Jimmy and I say “Are you hungry?” And he says “No, not at all”. So now I feel like a complete lard ass. I tell myself if he is twice your size, ate the same things you did for breakfast and is not hungry yet, you shouldn’t be hungry either. And then, almost like a sign from the do not eat this gods, another person starts picking at the left overs of the quesadilla. Dani 1, Quesadilla 0.

Since I had not done anything but drink coffee or water since being at the bar, I was now super hungry once the game was over. I was presented with the option to stay and watch the next game OR go home and relax by myself. I opted to go home, make myself a nice healthy soup, and sit down in front of the T.V. Even though I decided to go home to my comfortable couch instead of staying and being social, I felt a certain amount of pride about my day so far. Things were looking up and it could only get easier from here. Unless tater tots and quesadillas somehow figured out where I lived, I was safe for now.